I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
