I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
