I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
