When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
