It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
