She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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