you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
