never play flip cup with pint glasses
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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