Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
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I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
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I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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