god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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