ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
