she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
