i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
