We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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