Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
