It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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