you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
