So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
