She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
