another moral hangover. fuck.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
