She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize