He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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