Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
