Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Watching her eat just hurts me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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