Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
