So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
are you so shy because you have an std?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
