i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
