so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sext me about skeletons
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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