She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
