taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
