if only i could text you this smell
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
