I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
