Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
