Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
