Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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