porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
