So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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