Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
