Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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