you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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