do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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