some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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