pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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