You're my little dorito
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
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Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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