we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
