If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
