forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
