his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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