I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it's like iHOP with fire
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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