i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
