two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
