How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
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I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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