ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
