My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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