Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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