Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
