The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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