her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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