dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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