Don't make out with my wife yet
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
