you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
