Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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