Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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