so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
