I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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