you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
