Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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