take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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