I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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